One in Five Read online

  “I just—I want to—I don’t know. Maybe take a shower and try to forget the whole thing.”

  Selena stared into her eyes. “I know this is hard. Trust me—I know. I think you should go to the police. You will feel horrible if this guy does this to another girl and you didn’t do anything to stop him. I’ll go with you. I’ll be your bodyguard.”

  Dee grabbed another tissue and wiped her nose. “You’ll go with me?”

  “Yes. I’ll be there for you each step of the way. There will be a physical exam too. The exam is lengthy, but it’s important to collect physical evidence. We should go to the hospital first and then call the police from there, okay?” Selena hadn’t actually participated in a rape exam because her attacker was dead, but she’d learned about the process from Martina as part of training her for a case where a rape victim was trying to find her attacker when the police had given up on the case. Selena knew preserving evidence would be important for prosecution of the scumbag who did this to Dee. It made her so angry she could spit.

  Dee nodded. “Okay, let’s do it. For the other women.”

  “You’re very brave—you know that, right?”

  Dee seemed to contemplate that.

  Selena encouraged her. “You can do this. You are strong. You are brave. We are going to take this guy down, okay?”

  Dee inhaled and exhaled. “Okay. I can do this.”

  Selena stood up and said, “I’ll get my keys.”

  “I’m gonna pee and then I’ll be ready.”

  Selena stopped and turned to her. “Can you wait until we get to the hospital? It’s full of evidence.”

  Dee shut her eyes and reopened them. “I can wait.”

  Selena knew what Dee was about to experience would be extremely unpleasant. The exam. Telling her story to strangers. The look on Dee’s face said that she was beginning to understand that as well.

  3

  Dee

  Dee wrapped her sweater across her chest. This was the very worst night of her life. She had never felt more humiliated, or more like a nonhuman. She’d been plucked, clipped, and swabbed. The nurse had been very nice and tried to console her. But it hadn’t helped. She’d begun to feel like the shell of her former self.

  She wasn’t sure she had the strength to go with Selena to the police station and go over all the details of her attack again. Maybe she should’ve told the nurse to have the police meet her there at the hospital. When the nursed asked her, she just wanted to get the exam over with, and having to talk to the police seemed like a monumental chore she didn’t have the energy for. She’d already had to explain to the nurse what happened and the idea of having to go over the gory details to a police officer seemed beyond her capability. It was nearly four in the morning and she was exhausted in a way that she’d never been exhausted before. It was like every inch of her body just wanted to give up. She wanted to go home and hide in her bed. She climbed off of the hospital bed, ready to leave the exam room, when the nurse said, “You did a great job and what you’re doing is very brave.”

  Dee tried to give her a smile but was sure it came out more like a grimace. She didn’t have the energy to pretend to agree with the nurse. She didn’t feel brave. She felt stupid. She knew she partied more than she should, but she’d thought that’s what college life was all about. Meeting new people and having exciting new experiences. She’d grown up in a strict religious household. Alcohol and being out after eleven wasn’t allowed. When she arrived at San Francisco University, she finally had the freedom to let loose and go a little wild. Live a little. She never in a million years would’ve dreamed this would’ve happened to her. How could she have let it happen? She wanted to crawl under a rock and die. She exited the room and walked down the hall.

  She eyed Selena sitting in the waiting room reading something on her phone. Dee couldn’t believe her roommate had sat there for three and a half hours while she had been poked and prodded. She supposed she lucked out in the roommate department. Dee shuffled toward Selena. Selena glanced up from her phone with sadness in her eyes. “How are you? Are you okay?”

  No, she wasn’t okay. She’d been sexually assaulted. Raped. Victimized. Sodomized. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she’d had all of her orifices swabbed and collected. She had gone from being a strong, independent female to a piece of evidence. “I’m fine.”

  Selena stood up. “Are you ready to head over to the university police station?”

  Dee frowned. “Do we have to go tonight? The evidence has been collected. I mean, I can report it tomorrow, right? Is it important we go tonight?”

  Selena shrugged. “We can call and have them meet us here, if you prefer? I don’t know, you’ll probably remember the most details tonight. If it were me, I think I’d just want to get it over with, but it’s totally up to you. The sooner you report him, the sooner they can prevent him from doing this to someone else.”

  In that moment, Dee wasn’t caring too much about anybody else. Maybe this was her fault. If she hadn’t been drinking, smoking, trying to get the attention of some stupid frat guy, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

  Selena must’ve sensed her hesitation. She said, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But chances are this guy will do this again to someone else. It’s not like he might do it again. It’s that he is more likely than not to do this again. Rape isn’t just about sex, it’s about power. You never know, maybe the next person he does something worse to, like kills them. Or maybe the next person is too scared to go to a hospital and they get an STD or become pregnant.”

  Kills them? She stared at Selena with bewilderment. Dee could tell Selena was really trying to do the right thing. But how could Selena possibly know what this was like? Would she have gone to the police right away? Would she have subjected herself to the invasive exam? She supposed it didn’t matter. Maybe Selena was right, it would be better to just get it over with. “Fine. Let’s just go to the station, that way we’re closer to the dorm.”

  On the drive back to campus to report the attack to SFU police, Dee stared out the window of Selena’s car window. She didn’t feel like talking, that would require too much energy. All she could do was replay the events in her mind. She hadn’t screamed. She had frozen. She was nearly six feet tall and fit. Why didn’t she fight? Why had she frozen? It was as if she were a weak, frightened animal.

  Selena pulled into a space in the parking garage, engaged the parking brake, and turned off the engine. She turned to face Dee. “I want you to know, I think you’re really brave for doing this. I know how hard this can be.”

  Dee was really tired of being told how brave she was. She sure as hell didn’t feel brave. She snapped at Selena, “How could you?” She realized she shouldn’t lash out with the one person who was being nice to her right now, but it was too late now.

  Selena rested the keys in her lap and looked down, before looking back up. “I do know. Last year, my, uh, boyfriend raped me. It was sorta different—but it was really bad, and I didn’t know if I was going to live or if I was going to die. I don’t want to get into details right now, but know that I do know.”

  Tears were forming in Selena’s eyes. Dee’s body went rigid. She hadn’t expected that. She now felt bad for making Selena talk about it. It was obviously still very painful to her. Maybe that’s why she’d always been so quiet. “Did you go to the police and report your attacker too?” Dee asked.

  Selena took a big breath in then let it out. “It was a little bit different situation, but the police were involved. They actually saved me.”

  “So your attacker’s in jail?”

  Selena’s face went still and a single tear fell from her eye. “He was killed. The officer that arrived at the scene shot him so that he wouldn’t shoot me.” Selena wiped the tear away with the back of her hand.

  Dee couldn’t help but stare at Selena. My God, what this girl has been through. No wonder she was so adamant about Dee reporting her attacker. Selena’s atta
cker almost killed her. “Thank you for telling me, Selena. It’s so hard to talk about. I know that now.”

  Selena nodded. “Yeah, it really is. I have a counselor that I see and that’s helped, and working with my stepmom at her security firm has helped me to become stronger and more vigilant. I’m in a better position if I were to be attacked again.”

  Dee now understood why Selena had always been on guard when she’d walk through the door. She had thought maybe Selena was kind of a nut job, but now she understood. Maybe she should tell her it would be okay to have the baton out again. Maybe it would save both of them.

  Dee opened the door and said, “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

  They walked across campus to the university police department. The chilly breeze felt good against her skin. A lump formed in her throat as they stepped through the automatic glass doors and made their way up to the community service officer at the front desk. Selena said under her breath, “You’ve got this, Dee.”

  Dee spoke slowly. “I need to report a sexual assault.”

  The young man, with black-rimmed glasses too large for his face, said, “Okay. May I have your name please?”

  “Dee Hankel.”

  “Go ahead and take a seat over there on the chairs and an officer will be out shortly to talk with you.”

  She mumbled thanks and sat on wooden chairs along the wall. She turned to Selena, who sat next to her. “He said the officer will come out soon. Thank you for coming with me. I’m not sure I could’ve done this alone.”

  “No problem. Anything you need, I’m here.”

  Dee played with the string on her sweater, pulling it until a small hole formed.

  A few minutes later, she heard footsteps approaching. Her eyes stared up. The officer was tall with a thick porn star mustache. Gross. “Are you Dee Hankel?”

  Her heart raced. “Yes.”

  “Why don’t you follow me into the back, and I’ll take your statement.”

  Dee glanced over her shoulder, back at Selena. “You’ll be out here?”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Dee nodded and hoisted herself off the chair using the arm rests for support. She followed the officer to a door and stopped. He swiped a security badge and opened the door. He held it open for her to enter. She entered the small room with three chairs and a desk with a computer and phone on top. It was stuffy and warm. He sat down and said, “Please have a seat.”

  She sat and stared at him.

  “My name is Detective Grayson. Go ahead and write down your name and contact information here.” He pushed a notepad and number two pencil across the desk to her.

  When she was finished, she sat back in her chair.

  “Great. Now, Ms. Hankel, why don’t you go ahead and tell me what happened. From the beginning.”

  She told him what had happened in the side yard, next to the Delta Kappa Alpha house. As she recounted the details, her body shook and her speech was stammered. It was almost as if she was reliving those terrifying moments. She’d prefer to never have to think about it again, but that seemed impossible. Tears poured down her cheeks.

  The officer didn’t try to console her or tell her she was doing a great job. He barely even looked at her as he scribbled notes onto a notepad. When Dee finished, the officer glanced up at her. “Is that it?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  He handed her a box of tissues from atop the desk. She plucked a few tissues and blew her nose before she wiped her face clean. She was sure she looked a mess.

  The officer tapped his pen on the notepad. “And you say you didn’t know the man who did this? You don’t even know his name?”

  “No.”

  “But he gave you alcohol?”

  “Yes.”

  “How many had you had?”

  She averted her gaze. “I don’t know. Four, maybe five.”

  He scribbled more notes. “You say he kissed you first—did you consent to that?”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Yes, but not to the other stuff.”

  His eyes narrowed and with a look of skepticism, he said, “I see.” He jotted a few more things on the paper before handing her his card from across his desk. “Here’s my card, if you can remember anything else. I’ll be in touch.”

  “That’s it? I’m done now?”

  “Yes, like I said I’ll be in touch, but don’t hesitate to call if you need anything or if you have any questions.”

  She stood up. “Okay, thank you.” She turned the knob on the door and met Selena at the chairs. “I’m done.”

  Selena cocked her head. “Already?”

  “Yep.” She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting. A promise to catch the guy?

  “You okay?”

  Dee shrugged. “As okay as I’ll be. Ready to go?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  They trekked back across campus to their dorm room in silence. Selena reached the door and unlocked it before entering. Dee had never noticed before how Selena inspected the room before she walked through it. Selena’s vigilance never seemed to falter.

  Dead tired, Dee made a straight shot for the bathroom and turned on the shower. She placed her fingertips under the spout until the water turned hot. She stripped down and stepped into the shower. She cried as the hot stream washed down the front of her body. As she sobbed, she said a silent prayer. God, if you’re listening, please catch the bastard who did this. Please don’t let him hurt anyone ever again. Please make what happened to me be the reason it doesn’t happen to someone else. She sniffled and wiped her eyes before grabbing the loofa. She scrubbed and scrubbed, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever get clean.

  4

  Selena sat on the edge of her bed and zipped up her knee-high boots. She grabbed her red plaid scarf and wrapped it around her neck before standing up and tucking her baton into her front jean pocket. She never left the dorm or anywhere without her expandable baton. Fifteen ounces of stainless steel would ensure she was never a victim again. Ever.

  At times she had thought maybe she was being paranoid, always carrying the weapon to protect herself. But as she glanced across the room at her roommate who had barely left her bed since the early morning, Selena knew she wasn’t being overly cautious. She was thinking smart. Predators were everywhere. They were at parties, in hallways, and lurking around every corner. That was the thing about today’s monsters—they tended to hide in plain sight. Until all the monsters were defeated, she would be ready for a fight.

  Selena was fairly certain Dee wasn’t asleep, considering it was three in the afternoon. She walked over to the bed and tapped Dee on the shoulder. Dee rolled herself over and looked up at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. Selena said, “I’m going to work. Do you want me to get you anything while I’m out? I should be home around nine.”

  Dee responded, but it was barely audible.

  “I’m sorry, what was that?” Selena asked.

  Dee mumbled a bit louder. “No, I’m fine.”

  Selena didn’t think she was fine at all. She really didn’t know what to do either. She knew after her own experience, she hadn’t wanted to talk about it, so she hadn’t pressed Dee. But she wondered if she should be trying to get help for her roommate, like recommending a counselor or a support group. She just wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. She didn’t want to make Dee’s suffering any worse.

  “Okay, well I’ll be home around nine. Just text me or call me if you need anything if you change your mind.”

  Selena noticed a slight nod of Dee’s head before she shut her eyes and turned back over onto her other side, facing the wall. Selena grabbed her coat and exited the dorm. The door shut softly behind her. In the hall she locked the deadbolt.

  She felt awful for her roommate. She understood what it felt like to lose your sense of security. To be afraid to shut your eyes, because if you open them maybe your attacker would return. She shook her head and headed down the hall. She stopped cold when she heard her name
being called. She pivoted back around. A slight smile formed on her cherry lips. “Oh, hey.” She really needed to stop talking to this guy. Her crush grew each time they met.

  Brendon jogged toward her. “Hey. I didn’t see you in class this morning. Is everything okay?”

  “I’m fine. It was a late night. I slept through my alarm, but I should go because I’m off to work.”

  Brendon put his hands in his front pockets and looked down. “Okay, cool. I just wanted to say hi. If you need notes from English, you can borrow mine.”

  She knew he liked her, but she also knew that they couldn’t be anything more than just acquaintances. She wasn’t ready to trust anybody again, especially not after what happened to Dee. “That would be great. Maybe we’ll catch up later. I have to go.”

  “All right. See you later. Have a good time at work.” He said with a wave of his hand.

  She tipped her head back. “See you later.” She felt sorry for herself in that moment. She wished she could be a carefree teen who saw a cute boy she liked and could just go on a date with him. She now understood the old adage, Ignorance is Bliss. But that wasn’t her fate. She knew the horrors of what was out there and how those seemingly nice and friendly guys could in fact be sadistic killers.

  Selena opened the door to Drakos Monroe Security and Investigations. Her boots made clomping noises on the marble tile as she approached the receptionist, Mrs. Pearson, an older woman who wore the brightest pink lipstick Selena had ever seen. In a cheery tone, Mrs. Pearson said, “Hi there, Selena. How are you today?”